After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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