I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
