we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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