Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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