after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
