i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
