I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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