you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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