Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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