At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
