How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize