the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize