i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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