Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
