if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
