people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
why is half of my head shaved?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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