; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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