Swine flu. Run for my life!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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