the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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