The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
