you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
