White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
