Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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