I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize