ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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