I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
