I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I understand Curling. That high.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
