I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
