By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
