Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
