It's like God shit irony all over that family
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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