Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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