I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize