Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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