is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
