We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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