u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize