Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Randomize
