yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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