From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm both gender and math confused
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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