he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
