Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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