Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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