So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
