I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
