i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
