Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
