woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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