we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
