i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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