Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
