well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
