his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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