well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize