So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
