I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
