just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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