I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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