so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I got inside last night via doggy door
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
