God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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