you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
