dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
