I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
