I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
