Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My dick has a subreddit
FUCK WHALES
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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