The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
