butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
