broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
