I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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