Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
