You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
