you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
