Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
